I am of the LOVELIFE and PPASA generation. I sang songs with lyrics like “did you know that AIDS is a killer and condom is your protector” and wore free t-shirts with big red HIV ribbons spread out across my chest. I was energetic, dutiful and a nurse’s child. As such, I handed out packets of condoms and learned the ABC’s of HIV/AIDS off by heart: A for Abstain, B for be faithful and C for condomise. I knew about all this before I had sex with anyone.
Fast forward twelve years and it seems that I have gotten less knowledgeable about how to protect myself. As I said in the blog posted over a week ago; I had three year long relationships with cheating niggas and was not smart enough to wear or to encourage the use of condoms in my relationships. I went bare, not for myself, but for the prospect of maintaining a relationship. And I am no exception.
A week ago, I was introduced to the lovely doctor Mathobela Matjekane of medi-clinic who gave me the ins and outs of HIV/AIDS research to date, as well as the ins and outs of conversations she has had with parents of sexually active kids, and sexually active young women themselves. In this conversation, I came to the daunting realization that we, young black women, for THE longest time have chosen to be ignorant about HIV/AIDS, even as we know that we carry the leading numbers of HIV/AIDS infections. In this conversation with the great doctor I learned that young black heterosexual women, between the ages 15 and 24 have the highest HIV/AIDS infected rates, more than four times greater than males their age. I also found that while these numbers do not correspond with the rates of their male heterosexual peers, they instead, correspond with older males from the age 30 and up. Lol, we are so juicy shem!.
but anyway I am not here to question, advocate for, or crucify heterosexual women for their choices in sexual partners. What I am here for though is to find out, when, between the time that we first heard of HIV/AIDS, and were scared out of our minds that we sang songs towards its eradication or elimination, did we become okay with the notion of contracting the virus and disease?
I suppose that as time has lapsed and we have seen many small evolutions and revolutions, and further have managed to change the narrative of HIV/AIDS to ‘no longer a death sentence’ we became very lax with it, almost complacent. Are we really okay with this?
After my conversation with the doctor, I had a talk with my ‘woke’ friend Miranda, who I knew was dating a male in the 30 to 55 age group. I told her what the doctor highlighted about the corresponding rates, to which she replied “that is not the truth. AIDS and those numbers, are not real” I was like “babes? What do you mean?” to which she told me that white people have us focusing on the wrong things. I was so shocked that I was shook. So, does this mean that in the real world black people are not suffering from HIV? Are black people not standing in long lines at under resourced clinics waiting for pap to take alongside their nauseating ARV’s? How is HIV/AIDS not a reality for black women, for black people?
But Miranda was right in a way. HIV/AIDS is not a real thing to black women my age. It is understood as a construct and that is why it is treated by Miranda and other ‘woke’ black folk who share her thinking as unreal. We refuse to engage with it. Aside from Miranda, there are more “knowledgeable” women, who enter relationships or have sexual encounters with very minimal protection. Like me, women who walk around with the notion that we will not get “it”, that our partners don’t have “it” and so that must mean that we are safe. We are not. That is just the truth of it.
And I get it, nobody has the time to chill and wait when their already dripping wet in their seat. Nobody has the time to go and grab a packet of condoms from the garage or tuck shop when the veins on his dick are popping and standing hard. These are beautiful sights and sensations and who would want to ruin that?
But you see, just as quickly as you get wet, your throat will turn dry when the nurse with your test results in hand asks you ‘how many sexual partners have you had?’ and ‘how often do you use protection?’. Your eyes will dry when she helps you imagine conversations with your family and past lovers. You would not be able to distinguish hot from cold when she explains ARV treatments to you and asks you if you understand the virus/disease. At this point there is no turning back and the only comforting prayer in your head is; “God if you can release me from this cubicle with a negative result, I will go to church and never sleep with an untested nigga again!’ except that you will and you do sleep with him, and the next time you get tested, you may not be so lucky sis.
We are black, we are smart and whiteness has done many damaging things to us, but what remains, what is right now, is that black women are living with HIV/AIDS, some, if not more black women are dying from HIV/AIDS, so how are we okay with this? How are we ignoring this?
*Pseudonyms used in the protection of my friends
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